I'm starstruck in a number of ways at the moment, although they include neither the literal meaning (Nope, I was not hit by a shooting star or a star-shaped object thrown at me.) nor the most commonly used figurative meaning (Nope, I'm not fascinated by some celebrity or another.) of the word.
I'm starstruck in the way that, much like a 12-year-old in 1998 who just ran into the Backstreet Boys in the mall, I've been hopping around all shiny-eyed for days now. Hopping, because there's too much tension inside of me right now for regular walking - let's not even think about sitting still. And the shiny-eyed-ness is due, alternatingly, to excitement/anticipation and a nerve racking sense of doom/dread/panic.
On a side note, why isn't it nerve wrecking instead of racking? This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever and it's making me upset.
This is me these days.
There are five reasons for that weird state I'm currently in.
Actual stars. I made these star-shaped earrings the other day that I'm completely and utterly in love with now. I've been wearing them all day every day since I made them and I never want to not wear them ever again. Also, I haven't stopped making more stars. My fingers get really sore from it, because it's bending plastic into tiny shapes, but whenever the pain subsides I'm right back at it, making more. I've also been experimenting with materials (tried paper) and sizes (made a mini) and I went and got more straws, so I can mix colours. Yes, it's gotten that bad.
Look, it's a mini-me for the red star!
These are not all of them, I just arranged a few of them because I thought the picture would look nice.
I don't have a national ID. This is leading to an exciting story, not one of the dread-inspiring ones. How is not having an ID a good thing? Well, it really isn't. Really, it's completely irrelevant. But what makes it good is that today a lady thought I was Trinidadian and would have the ID number required for a transaction she suggested I make. Then, when I said I'm not from here and thus can't do that, she was genuinely stunned. Like, chin-drop stunned. That's never happened to me before. Sure, friends are always telling me how I'm totally taking on the Trini accent and am being Trini-fied through living here (altho I cyah really see dat), but that's because they're joking, mostly. This lady today has seen me around and talked to me a few times, but she's not someone I know or who knows me. She really thought I was just another local. You make of that what you will; I'm going to go ahead and take it as a compliment. And the timing couldn't be better!
Schoooool. Things are happening at university and 99% of them are quite stressful. Positive, certainly, but still very stressful. At the moment, I have so much on my mind, that I'm simply not good at dealing with stress. This is where the hopping (and fidgeting and pacing and not sleeping much) come from. I wish I could get everything done right now, but I have to wait for some things, so it will all be on my mind for a while longer. Patience is not a strength of mine and I'm terrible at that keeping calm thing. I'm much better at blowing everything completely out of proportion and unnecessarily worrying myself to the point of getting a headache. Fffgnh...
Page views are on the rise. We need something positive now: This blog is at a total of almost THIRTY THOUSAND page views! Ohmigosh! I mean, what?! I mean, WHAT?! That's so much! If I had a colombian peso for every view, I could go for lunch six times! Six!!! Just, wow. Okay, let's calm down.
I'm going to Austria!!! Let's un-calm-down again! This is the main reason I'm currently "starstruck" and in this case it translates to being incredibly excited in all the good ways, but also being constantly on the brink of a nervous breakdown because I'm so anxious about the trip (it will take me four flights from here to Vienna, over the course of two days) and I feel like I completely forgot how to pack a bag and I have to get the apartment ready for being without me for six weeks! By Monday!! Oh gosh, okay, breathe... I'm running criss-cross around the island trying to get everything ready and organizing stuff for the house and for school and for the people who are waiting for me in Austria (yay, somebody's actually waiting for me), because I want to bring some things there and then I want to bring some things back and the landlord has to be informed and somebody has to have the key so they can keep an eye on the place for me so it won't be buried in dust, cobwebs and cockroach poop when I get back. And I have to get somebody to take care of my plants. And I need to finish all my ongoing crafts projects so I don't have any unfinished business looming when I come back. And I need to do wash all the sheets before I go. And make sure all the dishes are clean and put away. And check the place for anything that could rot in my absence, in or on or around the fridge. And turn off all the lights. And close the windows. And lock the door. And. And! AND!
It's completely ridiculous, because I'm acting like this is the first time I'm going anywhere, not just for a longer time but in general. And this isn't even the longest I've gone places. And on top of that, in many ways, it doesn't even count, because I'm going to see my family so I'll be taken care of and have nothing to worry about for when I reach my destination. It's just what's leading up to that moment that is driving me nuts, even though that, too, is dumb.
This upcoming trip is why the timing for the lady thinking I'm a local is so great: it means that my chances of fitting right back into the space I've made for myself when I come back at the end of September are really good. I think.
Plus, for the best of reasons, I'll have to hit the ground running when I touch down in Vienna, because exciting things are coming up - which I will tell you about another time, when I'm not worried anymore and won't paint flowers in colours of gloom.
This will be me if I don't calm down soon.
So, yeah, starstruck.
Just felt like sharing this, mainly because of the trip in four days (OMG, four days, here come the tears again). Because you have something to look forward to, eh - when I travel, you travel with me.
And we haven't been to Austria in so long!
Ima go make some tea.